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[impure_tale]

(ooc: As established in this thread, the Marquis met the Abbe again Friday afternoon, and then promptly had a heart attack. The thread is not yet concluded but will be in the next day, but the end result will be that he doesn't survive. So this entry is being written from the infirmary, tonight, while he's getting over the death toll.)

One year. Five months. Four days.

That is how long it has been since my death in Charenton Asylum, since I robbed myself of a few final moments of breath and existence. It is not something I have ever expressed to anyone, but I committed suicide before I came here, and I have never regretted it. Ask yourself, dear reader, what level of desperation, of squalor, that a man must reach, to believe that the only comfort they will ever have will come through what choices they can make themselves, what control they are capable of assuming over their existence -- even if achieving it means bringing an end to one's own life.

Was I afraid? Not really. I am not proud of that. There is no pride in the level of suffering a person must endure to welcome an end, even an uncertain one.

Yesterday, I was afraid. 

...Mademoiselle Shego, I'm afraid I shall not be able to attend your lesson tomorrow morning. You have my deepest apologies.

Members of the Theatre Troupe should be aware that rehearsals will have to be delayed for the time being.

[Private to Captain Kirk]

May I speak with you?

[Private to Dr Horrible]

Thank you for finding help for me.

Comments

Private

[captain-jtkirk.livejournal.com]

Are you alright?

Private

[impure-tale.livejournal.com]

My former keeper is here.

[thatlibbychick.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry, Monsieur Marquis. I hope you have an easy recovery.

[Private]
I want you to know that you're not alone. While I'm aware that the circumstances are very different--as I knew I'd probably just come back--I felt as if I needed to end my life here once in order to maintain control. I'm not sure if I regret it or not, but in some small, less severe way, I've been there. So if you ever wanted to talk about your suicide, or about the rest of this...

Just hang in there.

[impure-tale.livejournal.com]

Merci, Madame. For everything.

Private - Strikes smudgy, but kind of legible.

[some-kinda-hero.livejournal.com]

Donatien, I...are you okay? I mean, I know you're not, it's habit to ask, but...tell me the minute I can come visit, okay? I made you something and I'm worried.

Private

[impure-tale.livejournal.com]

I have been better, cheri.

Private

[inhumandog.livejournal.com]

If I say that I am concerned, would you believe me?

Private

[impure-tale.livejournal.com]

Of course, Iago.

Private - Okay, this dead-then-non-dead thing creeps him out.

[subtlescience]

Are you

I apolog

I be

It's good to see that you have regained life your strength.

Private

[impure-tale.livejournal.com]

Thank you for doing all that you could.

Private - he still kind of likes the Marquis/is smooth.

[highcollarevil.livejournal.com]

With all due respect, to find death a purpose rather than a method is pathetic not something I am acquainted with, however I wish you the best of luck in your recuperation.

Private

[impure-tale.livejournal.com]

With as much experience as I am certain you have with death, Monsieur, I can only offer that you must at least consider that the situation changes when it is the only thing left.

You surprise me with your well-wishes; I shall do my best to honor them.

[gotgreenmagic.livejournal.com]

No problem. Class'll be on weekly, come when you're up to it.

[impure-tale.livejournal.com]

Merci.

[suchprettyscars.livejournal.com]

Killed yourself, did you? I know a little something about that.

Unfortunately.

[impure-tale.livejournal.com]

Once, yes.

Private

[accountsettled.livejournal.com]

I know saying any of that takes greater courage than most will ever have, myself included, and I respect that.

I also hope you will be alright.

Private

[impure-tale.livejournal.com]

If I have ever been anything with words, Colonel Sexby, it has never been cowardly.

Merci.

Private

[tadwizard.livejournal.com]

Are you

I...

Do you need anything?

Private

[impure-tale.livejournal.com]

Nothing. Thank you.

Private.

[toldastory]

I'm very sorry that I couldn't stop you from dying. Once the death toll is over with, I'd like to run a series of tests to make sure that you don't have a weakness in your heart that could cause this happening again.

Private.

[impure-tale.livejournal.com]

Of course, if you think it's necessary.

[Action]

[themostdashing.livejournal.com]

Pavi hadn't really left the Marquis' side since finding him with Billy in the third floor corridor; he had sat by his bed in the Infirmary while waiting for the man to be revived, not sure why he was bothering, trying not to address the fear that his revival - something he knew personally to be inevitable - might somehow not happen. His own actions confused him, but a lot of confusing things had happened of late and he'd stopped trying to understand them. He just let them come and go.

He left the Infirmary shortly after the Marquis had come round, to give him whatever privacy he needed to talk to the medical staff and recover his faculties a little. A brief glance to his journal, however, had him returning quicker than he'd expected, reclaiming his place at the older man's bedside.

"You killed yourself," Pavi said. There wasn't really any other way to open the conversation.

[Action]

[impure-tale.livejournal.com]

The Marquis had been a number of things since waking. Pained. Sick. Disoriented. Shaken. Sometimes all of them all at once. Putting quill to paper did alleviate some of those feelings. He found words again and was centered and gratified by them. He had appreciated Pavi's very short departure not because he wished to be rid of him but it allowed him to feel less worried.

Him. Worried. He was the one who'd just died.

Of course when his companion returned, he had not expected him to have read his latest entry so soon.

"Oui," he admitted. "I did."

Private

[my-freeze-ray.livejournal.com]

That's okay, it would have been creepy of me not too.

private

[young-idealist.livejournal.com]

For what it is worth, I'm sorry.

Private

[major-west.livejournal.com]

Yesterday?

What happened?

Private

[impure-tale.livejournal.com]

A 'heart attack', apparently.