95

[impure_tale]

Iago, now that you're out and about, we need to have a talk about how you're going to conduct yourself from now on.

Comments

[inhumandog.livejournal.com]

I would not exactly call this out and about, my dear Marquis. But a talk will be fine. I trust, though, that it falls under the standard "do not do this again" discussion? Or is there something new?

[impure-tale.livejournal.com]

You confess to being stricken by whims rather than anything premeditated. From now on, anytime you feel any such whim, or think one could potentially come on, you drop what you are doing and come to me.

[inhumandog.livejournal.com]

And you believe that you can make them stop? You might just be putting yourself in danger, Marquis.

[impure-tale.livejournal.com]

It's not a belief, Iago. I have to.

And I'm not afraid of you. I never will be.

[inhumandog.livejournal.com]

Emilia was not premeditated. You know I did not desire to kill her. That if events unfolded in the way I had intended, she would still be alive.

That was what my nightmares have been about lately.

Emilia.

[impure-tale.livejournal.com]

I never said that she was. I said you act on whims, not necessarily on plans.

[inhumandog.livejournal.com]

I have plans.


But I meant- can you make those particular nightmares go away?

[impure-tale.livejournal.com]

Why do you suppose you are having nightmares about Emilia?

[inhumandog.livejournal.com]

Because I killed the boy.

[impure-tale.livejournal.com]

Why would you not have nightmares about the boy, then?

[inhumandog.livejournal.com]

Are these not questions you should be answering?! If I knew, I would not be asking you. Perhaps her ghost has come to haunt me. Perhaps I am lamenting the fact that she had to die.

[impure-tale.livejournal.com]

Do you feel remourse?

[inhumandog.livejournal.com]

Simply for the fact that it had to happen.

[impure-tale.livejournal.com]

Perhaps more than that. What were your feelings toward Emilia?

[inhumandog.livejournal.com]

We've already discussed this, Marquis. She was my wife.

[impure-tale.livejournal.com]

That has nothing to do with your feelings, Iago. Do not make me prompt you like a child.

[inhumandog.livejournal.com]

Again, I am not a child and I absolutely despise it when you treat me as one. I am almost thirty- or I would have been.

Are those feelings enough for you?

And I am starting to realize that I might have had stronger feelings for her than I thought before. For the most part, she was a good person. Kind, loyal, just not to me.

[impure-tale.livejournal.com]

No, they are not enough. Do you not realize at least that talking and exploring these things with another person might actually help you to learn something of yourself?

[inhumandog.livejournal.com]

I grow weary of being judged.

[impure-tale.livejournal.com]

Even by yourself?

[inhumandog.livejournal.com]

I suppose so. But at least I can defend the judgments I put on myself. At least they have a basis in fact- not opinion or feelings.

[impure-tale.livejournal.com]

Don't be so certain of that. You will get more from them if you listen and you consider them. If you have faults that are indicated to you, then you have a responsibility to reflect, and to accept the ones in which some truth is found. Your actions, you take responsibility for, good or bad.

You place too much concern on how others look at you and fail to realize that eyes might look on you with less disdain if you showed you were open to change.

[inhumandog.livejournal.com]

Change what, Marquis? Tell me specifically what I need to change.

[impure-tale.livejournal.com]

You do not think there is something wrong with feeling random urges to kill and acting on them?

[inhumandog.livejournal.com]

It is sometimes a necessity.

[impure-tale.livejournal.com]

It is never a necessity unless your own life is in danger and no other alternatives are available.

Your precious ego is not part of that.

[inhumandog.livejournal.com]

What did it matter, Marquis? Death here is not truly death, since we are all dead already.

[impure-tale.livejournal.com]

Wrong. Your death is permanent if and when I decide it is. Never forget that.

You yourself have yet to experience death here, but I guarantee you that your body won't know the difference, and your mind will not, either.

strikes readable

[inhumandog.livejournal.com]

At this point, Marquis, I might just welcome death. I know that most believe I deserve it.

Nothing here makes sense

I cannot be

I miss her

[impure-tale.livejournal.com]

You have no guarantees that dying permanently will end all of that, Iago. You didn't exactly plan on coming here, now did you?

For the people that give up, whatever lies beyond this place will not be better for them.

[inhumandog.livejournal.com]

I have not given up. But I feel like I am no closer now than I was at the beginning. In fact, I'm quite sure that I have gotten worse. I did not have these nightmares in the beginning.

[impure-tale.livejournal.com]

I would call that a sign of improvement. Some part of your mind is obviously resisting your usual indifference.

[inhumandog.livejournal.com]

Are we heading back towards our previous conversation about feelings?

[impure-tale.livejournal.com]

I wasn't aware we'd stopped having that conversation.

[inhumandog.livejournal.com]

I stopped. They became irrelevant.

[impure-tale.livejournal.com]

Which is why you're having nightmares now.

You're so wrong that your entire body is rejecting your behavior. That sound mean something to you.

[inhumandog.livejournal.com]

Then fix it!

[impure-tale.livejournal.com]

I can do nothing if you are not willing to cooperate.

After a few minutes...

[inhumandog.livejournal.com]

If I cooperate, will the nightmares stop? I don't want to see her anymore.

[impure-tale.livejournal.com]

There is no reason why they would not.

[inhumandog.livejournal.com]

Good. Then I will, if I get to the appropriate point, stop what I am doing and tell you.

What are my other punishments?

[impure-tale.livejournal.com]

As usual you are not to entertain guests in your quarters, and you are to keep me informed of your whereabouts. You will continue with custodial duty for the next two weeks -- the second added to make up for the week you missed while in level zero.

And I want you to move your schedule around and plan to take part in an exercise regimen after dinner and rehearsals.

[inhumandog.livejournal.com]

Rehearsals, still?

Fine. I would actually enjoy the last one and I have no guests I would like in my quarters. I planned on meeting Judas in the gym for some strange game I think he has made up. Might I still do that?

Also, am I allowed my privacy in regards to posts?

[impure-tale.livejournal.com]

Yes, rehearsals.

You may meet with him in the gymnasium, as there are wardens assigned to that area usually. I will be stopping in to check on the two of you, however.

As for your privacy -- from other people, yes. But I will still be able to see them.

[inhumandog.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

Have a wonderful day, Marquis.