impure_tale

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129

And of course a perfectly good walk is ruined by hard rain. Sometimes, the CES is just a little too real for my liking. The garden is coming along nicely, however. A bit balmy in there for my tastes, but there you have it.

[Private to Jack Harkness]

How are you feeling, cherub?

[Filtered to Colonel Sexby, Iago, and Judas Iscariot]

I believe a full discussion is in order, if everyone is able.

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[But he'd piqued Jack's curiosity. He turned the goblet between his fingers, watching the Marquis.] What did you do?

[The Marquis looks at him intently.] I am only telling you this, because regarding how I am with my Inmate now, and how I have spoken to you about him, I want you to understand just how far I've come, as an Inmate. Do you understand?

[Jack nodded slowly, a small frown pulling at the corners of his mouth.] I do.

[A breath. The Marquis sat down in his chair and gestured for Jack to do the same. He waited for him, staring into his goblet contemplatively.]

When I found him, I had a cane on my person. There was a brief struggle, and I landed multiple blows. I bit off part of his ear, taunted him that he'd just killed the one person that could stop me, and had a Warden not come at that very moment, I would have raped him. I said that I would, and the more I think back, the more I say that it was simply something to scare him, I think that in those moments, in my anger, my own madness, I probably would have done it if I were not stopped.

[He takes a sip of wine.]

And we continued to antagonize one another after that. He found ways to send others after me, tried to kill me once himself -- I published at least one manuscript featuring him and the Doctor. I never took him seriously. I never knew what a Master at full power could be. I never called him by name, never took his threats to heart even when he made good on them. None of that, until you came [a glance] -- or a you that you do not remember. And I did not understand the severity of his crimes against you. I took your words lightly and alienated you from me. And then I saw him openly brag, in detail, about a number of the things he'd done to you, and then I understood. And you would never allow me to apologize. Which was your right.

[His hands tightened on his goblet, and for a long while, Jack said nothing. The Marquis was right; he could appreciate how far the other man had come. He'd never have expected something like that. Jack shifted, raising his glass, but failing to drink, before eventually lowering it again.]

I don't remember that. But he spent a year torturing me. I don't...I don't think I'd have been too responsive to anyone brushing that off. It's not something I'd bring up with acquaintances. [Which said to him that the Marquis had been important to him at some point, even if he couldn't remember.]

I know you cannot remember the incident, but that does not mean I do not feel guilty about it. You were my first real lesson that sometimes I can say too much. So I thank you for that, and I am very -- deeply sorry for the wrong that I have done, and for what he has done to you.

[He swallows.]

I cannot fully empathize with you on this matter. He did not do these things to me. He has only ever harmed people I cared for. But considering -- some of the things he described are things I once wrote out of boredom, it causes me to look sharply at the things I never accounted for, in my own history.

[The color drained from his face, slowly, and Jack finally drained his glass. He set it down and leaned forward on his knees, hands clasped between them.]

There's a difference between writing and experience, [but he couldn't come up with something to say that didn't sound cliche and stock. It was easier to rely on words that didn't come wholly from himself right now.]

[The Marquis looks a little embarrassed.] I hadn't intended to talk about all of that with you. Forgive me. But I want you to understand that I'm not completely unaware of how you must feel, being charged with his care. I do not know that I could do much better, but -- since I have graduated, and I have watched him, tried to understand him and how he works -- I have been given reason to both fear and pity him. Sometimes there are moments where he reveals something of himself, without meaning to. Perhaps a glimpse of something more like a person and less like a narrative villain. And that makes me think that while I do not know how one should help him, that he might be. Someday. If what Captain Adams always says -- rather sentimentally, mind -- is true, then someone wished him here to be saved. But I can see why you cannot bring yourself to view it that way. It should not, perhaps, be the task of someone who has suffered by his hand to take him there. But then it could be that the Admiral paired you to challenge and improve on you as well.

Well if it was a challenge, I failed it, [Jack said shortly, looking away from the Marquis.] I asked the Admiral to split us up. After that Masterworld bullshit, I can't...I can't do anything for him. I could barely stand him as a kid, I--

[He could barely stand the kids to begin with. It was all close together and largely unfair.] So that's it. I'm throwing my towel in.

[He nodded solemnly.] If you're meant to make any reconciliations with him, it is probably easier to imagine without the added weight of responsibility. I'm not saying you will. But it does remove some pressure, does it not?

[He shrugged lightly.] It means I don't have to have anything to do with him. And that's kind of nice.

And perhaps that will be for the better. Again I apologize for being hard on you.

Look, it's all right. I haven't really been...myself, lately. [Or, you know, most of his time aboard.] Between you, and Armand, and all the Doctors showing up for a little while - it helped.

[He paused, rubbing his hands together.] What exactly did the Master say about that year? And how publicly?

Individual instances -- I can't recall many now save that I reacted. You were both speaking to each other in the network rather flippantly, him trying to ruffle you, and you calmly brushing everything off. ...Considering upon your first arrival you had designs to beat him to a pulp, he hid himself away for a while.

Huh. [Jack ran a hand over his hair, rubbing the back of his head.] Is it weird to be jealous of yourself? [It was meant as a joke, but he wouldn't mind calmly brushing off what the Master said to him.]

[The Marquis is grateful for the lighter note.] I suppose one has so few opportunities to do so, cherub.

Must take a place like this. [He leaned back in his chair, lacing his fingers over his stomach.] You know, I don't really know how to feel about the stories about me on the barge. Before this time, anyway.

It is difficult to say how one should react -- no more difficult than it is for some people here to learn that in some worlds, they are fictional. You must take them sometimes simply as stories and move on.

I guess. But I wouldn't mind having those reactions, sometimes. [He paused, and added,] But only some of them.

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[Spam] - gotta run out, be back soon

[Spam] - s'all good,I need to pass out soon anyway

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