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[impure_tale]

Though it is always a breach, that one in particular always gives me some pause. It's always the same person that I become, always later in his existence on the Barge. It's given me reason to think of him at times, even worry.

I know myself to be a stubborn man no matter what my form. It shouldn't surprise me he lasts as long as he does, but it's always so frightening to find himself so...out of control of myself.

This time, he was better, and I'm overjoyed to look back and realize that. Without a Warden on his back, he had friends. He was not lonely. He was...approaching something more normal again. It reminded me much of the weeks in Charenton before the doctor came.

What still troubled me -- his door was unlocked, and he couldn't step outside. He didn't believe he could open it.

I remember being that way, in my first weeks here. Romana took such time and care coaxing me out of my room, showing me there were no bars on it. No chains.

And I look at myself now and realize that while I know there's been no lock on my door, I've still been reclusive.

I didn't come this far just to make myself a prisoner again.

Comments

[impure_tale]

But do you disagree with me as much as you think you do, Captain? After all, here you are. Deigning to carry on conversation with me for not the first time. Waiting for me, I wonder, to disappoint you by being faithless, just as likely to be disappointed that I will not live down to that expectation, thereby making for you a self-fulfilling prophecy?

[tentacruelest]

I enjoy our conversations.

[It's the flood talking more than anything; an unaffected Jones would never openly admit it]

But you, like all men, will prove a disappointment in the end.

[impure_tale]

You say that as though I owe you something, dear. People cannot disappoint you if you are not entitled to anything from them.

[tentacruelest]

You think of yourself as an honorable man?

[impure_tale]

That depends upon one's definition of honorable. I think myself a better man than I was and have sense enough to acknowledge my own many flaws and misdeeds.

[tentacruelest]

And what sort of man were you before? How are you so sure you've changed for good?

[impure_tale]

A man grows out of his vices once he loses his taste for them, whether because he sees and abhors the fault in them on his own terms, or because he finds happiness without them.

[tentacruelest]

And your vices?

[impure_tale]

Oh, all of the fun ones. I was not careful with my money or the money of others in my pursuits, either. As a matter of fact the lack of consideration I held for other people, in general, while in pursuit of my own pleasures could be considered the root of all my troubles.

[tentacruelest]

[Giving a dismissive snort, Jones looks away, amused]

Tell me how that is not in any way different from all men.

[impure_tale]

Different enough to be enjoyable, apparently.

[tentacruelest]

But no longer enjoyable?

[impure_tale]

I was referring to you, there.

And no -- the fact is that I tied certain wrongdoings to behaviors that I still hold are not immoral. People also sought to punish me for those over true evils, and it left me rather stubborn to change my ways.

What I once enjoyed -- in some ways I still do, but with better awareness of certain matters, such as consent, and with respect toward those that happen to join me.

[tentacruelest]

It is true I no longer have the...consideration for others that I once did. But it is not out of pursuit of my own pleasure.

Such a small distinction between a supposed good and a supposed bad man.

[impure_tale]

That should imply not all men are the same, then.

[tentacruelest]

I exclude myself from that statement. I am no longer a man.

[impure_tale]

You'll have to forgive my stubborn insistence on seeing you as such.

As a person, if nothing else.

[tentacruelest]

Despite your insistence on addressing me as Cuttlefish.

[impure_tale]

A term of endearment and nothing more.

I call people "kumquat" and it hardly means I think them pieces of fruit.

[tentacruelest]

And what did they call you to make you into less than a man?

[impure_tale]

[When they cut his tongue out? When they pulled him from "the calming chair"? His head cocks to the side slightly.]

A "good boy."

[tentacruelest]

Condescending. At least I have always been regarded as being worthy of some slight wisp of respect.

You seem less capable of reclaiming your name than I.

[impure_tale]

The ill at times only have their names when they behave as they are commanded.

Mine survives well after those of my captors, however.

[tentacruelest]

Good. Some of the best revenge comes with simply outlasting your enemies.

[impure_tale]

I like to think so.