impure_tale

[He sighs.]

Henri, this might be a little easier on both of us if you would say how it's affecting you, first. Obviously, the subject would strike a sour chord more with someone who has dealt with it in life. So what is it for you?

I was never in that position, myself. The only time I've ever been that... helpless was at the time of my death [Not entirely true, but there are some things he never wants to talk about (and still, that particular incident isn't even in the same league as his dreams, anyway)] But...

[He hesitates for a long time. He doesn't like telling anybody this; in fact, he distinctly recalls disliking Billy when they first met for coming to this very conclusion] I had, in my life... ordered the same thing done to others. [He scoffs, then adds in a sour tone] For a good cause.

Edited 2008-10-07 18:50 (UTC)

For a good cause? [The Marquis raises an eyebrow, not sounding shocked or overinterested, but like he's genuinely listening. He would like to hear his rationale for such a thing.]

There was only myself and my boys left. We needed women... for the future.

Edited 2008-10-07 20:30 (UTC)

I see. [He looks down at his hands.] If that was how it was, then you were thinking only of survival. It is the natural way of things. It's not pleasant, to be sure. But what else do we have when everything is stripped away? [A glance up, that last question doesn't quite have the same tone as the rest, like he thinks there might be another answer to that question.]

That's what I told myself-- been telling myself, but... having seen the other side of things... [He shakes his head] But they're just dreams.

Who are you when you're dreaming?

...a woman. [He doesn't want to say any more]

And what decisions have you made, having since dreamt these things?

Um... [He shrugs] None, really.

[The Marquis looks at him flatly.] You sanctioned rape before you died. You come here, you experience rape, as a woman, firsthand, thanks to some decidedly potent trickery to do with this barge, and your thoughts on the subject have not gone through any changes?

[He flinches] No, they have. I just thought-- I don't know, I misunderstood your question.

[He sighs.]

I have written a number of terrible things with no motive save to get them down on paper, Henri. But I never did to a woman what I wrote about; I have only survived long enough to see other men do it instead. Before I died, I had a daughter, and I cannot reconcile myself to what sort of rages and sorrows I would have been given to if I had been told that a man had harmed her in similar fashion.

[West thinks about what the Marquis said] I always called them 'women'-- the ones we... tried to... help. [He sighs] But that's what I always said to make myself feel, I don't know... just. [And then he groans and puts his face in his hands] But one of them-- she couldn't have been older than fifteen.

But you did not manage to go through with it, did you?

[He shakes his head] No. Because my boys were all killed. Because I was killed. [He stares directly at the Marquis] I would have, otherwise. I absolutely would have. What sort of person do you think that makes me?

Morality is a touchy subject for me, cherub. I was thrown into the Bastille for what ended up being little more than giving people laxatives. To the middle class courts that condemned me, I was an evil man. A monster, a degenerate, and as a member of one of the oldest families in France, I was to the rising class completely irredeemable.

But when the Bastille was stormed and I had been set free, the men that came said to me that I was a victim for suffering under a corrupt system, and I was rewarded with freedom. Both sides coexisted, but based upon the circumstances of each, the definitions of 'good' and 'evil' came out being completely different.

Conversely, when I served in war, I witnessed a number of men who had been deemed 'good' within their societies do terrible things for the glory of King and Country, even worse things just to stay alive. Many of these man had to return to their families, their mothers and fathers, or their wives and children, and make account only to themselves for the things they had done, because the laws of morality say that evil deeds done in times of crisis, in times of war, are not evil deeds at all.

[He sighed.]

This isn't helping, I imagine. But the point is that, when there is nothing left, when all else is taken away, man must survive by the means nature gifted him. When the crisis is over, if man still stands, and he chooses to return to society, then he must come to terms with what he did on his own, make amends if necessary and if possible, and move on. Because he does no better by himself by resigning himself to guilt.

[A breath.]

My society lauded me as a degenerate, an atheist of the worst kind, a libertine. My commands in times of war were instrumental in the deaths of hundreds of men, however. No one asks questions about that, and no one asked me what it did to me in the end.

Edited 2008-10-08 00:15 (UTC)

[He doesn't say anything for a good long while] So what did it do to you, in the end?

I'd had my fill of responsibility by then, I think.

Understandable. [He sighs] I had no wars. I wanted one-- when I was younger. I dreamt of going to war, being a hero. And then one came to me and... I wasn't a hero at all.

And then you came here and saved lives.

[He has no idea what to say in response to that. Actually, West is completely taken aback. He opens his mouth, closes it, thinks, then stands. He leans over the Marquis and, mindful of the bruising, goes in for a kiss]

[The Marquis tilts his head upward in acceptance, fingers gently brushing the other man's chin for as long as he lingers there. When finally West drew away, he smiled fully.]

Thank you for coming to see me, Henri.

[He smiles in return] And thank you.

25

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