impure_tale (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
impure_tale) wrote2011-11-23 07:03 pm
impure_tale) wrote2011-11-23 07:03 pm
186
I have reacted to the last week with relative patience, I feel. I suppose I can understand the turmoil everyone seems to be experiencing over the port, but I cannot say I completely empathize.
Unless you were unfortunate enough to be on the Barge when it was exploded? You did not die during the last port. You were not killed during the last port. No more than Orpheus killed himself in descending to the Underworld in order to collect Eurydice. The effects, morbid as they were, were tame compared to floods we have had in the past. It was not "mass murder." Since many of you have the rare experience of actual death in recent memory, I balk at the notion that a single one of you would count what has occurred as such. You know it's much worse, no matter how mundane the cause, even with the promise of coming back.
To anyone that truly was killed, you have my deepest sympathies.
Unless you were unfortunate enough to be on the Barge when it was exploded? You did not die during the last port. You were not killed during the last port. No more than Orpheus killed himself in descending to the Underworld in order to collect Eurydice. The effects, morbid as they were, were tame compared to floods we have had in the past. It was not "mass murder." Since many of you have the rare experience of actual death in recent memory, I balk at the notion that a single one of you would count what has occurred as such. You know it's much worse, no matter how mundane the cause, even with the promise of coming back.
To anyone that truly was killed, you have my deepest sympathies.
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I didn't.
[Never him.]
...I fucking didn't!
...I have nothing left to lose.
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[pause, then, blank.] You don't get it. You don't get it and you don't know.
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What it is like to know, that change happens.
Change happens. I get that. I was wrong. I get that too.
Showing somebody who'd just died to someone who's trying to change and trying not to acknowledge-
That's like setting a beer down in front of an alcoholic.
Private
Re: Private
[just by way of example]
Say he's willing to do all of this shit. It's hard enough to learn how to step out and not take shit from anybody normally but you make bad choices.
How do you go on from those bad choices. How can he walk around the barge again without having somebody try to fucking kill him?
[Such progress. Such fucking progress.]
Private
I am a graduate myself. Do you think there is anyone that forgot anything I had done?
Re: Private
I did wrong! There. You're a warden. I'll tell George that, when he's feeling better. But I have nothing else!
Private
Re: Private
There has to be an answer beyond just...accepting it! Something I can do!
Private
Re: Private
Private
Re: Private
...I don't deserve to be here.
I killed all of my friends, I killed my family, it's clear that I can't do anything about it. Every time I find something good...it keeps getting taken away.
What do I have to live for beyond the job that...that-
[he makes a strangled noise] that killed me?
Who's going to tolerate Rex? I can't...I can't live like that.
Private
If I trusted he were mature enough to let go of his impulses when he is feeling desperate, I would perhaps be less understanding. He is a boy in my eyes, a very intelligent, but sometimes over-passionate and silly boy.
Private
see that someone...someone does. I keep looking at this place and wondering when I'm going to push people away. Hopefully...someone can help him see past that
Private
However, there was very little in my experience as an Inmate that I could consider pointless to the destination this place had in mind for me.
Things will very likely change, for you. But you won't know it is happening until it happens.
Threadjack!
Re: Threadjack!
Threadjack!
If you can't, that's your problem. Not ours, not even the dickhead Admiral's.
Re: Threadjack!
did I
Threadjack!
Re: Threadjack!
[deep breath]
....Not doing this.
Threadjack!